Part 1: The Customer
Life in the service industry is a perpetual exercise in opposition. The servers versus the kitchen. Employees versus management. The cost of living versus the crushing reality you are only making $2.65 an hour plus tips. But there is no rivalry so intense, so fundamental to the life of a waitress as the war between server and customer.
Customers are terrible people. They are cruel, selfish creatures devoid of humanity. The Customer feasts on your soul (cooked medium-medium-well with lo-cal gluten free ranch dressing on the side) and only after The Customer’s desire for destruction is sated will The Customer complain to management and demand free dessert. Don’t take this personally. I’m sure you’re a wonderful and caring human being outside the walls of your favourite bars and cafes. Really, I’ve heard nice things about you. But the thing to understand is this: the moment you walk through the front door of that eco-friendly vegan chop house you love so very much, you turn in to The Enemy. It doesn’t matter who you are. Upon entry into a restaurant, even the most loving and harmless person in the world becomes the kind of person who would punch a baby sloth in the mouth for a side of caesar dressing.
Have you ever seen a baby sloth in a restaurant before? No? Now you know why. It’s because of Customers.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER READ! I loved every word, start to finish. And, for the record, I would NEVER punch a baby sloth for dessert. I would punch one because I’m a bully that likes to pick on helpless things.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kTkOgHO4pA – In the extended cut of this video, Red busts through the door and punches it.
I worked as a cashier/bagger/shift manager for five months. Its an interesting industry to work in. Well, not really but the way you described it is very similar to what it was like for me. The DRAMA! i worked at a grocery store in a small rural town the grocery store is this towns epicenter! so you take all those things- grocery store+ small town=gossip/drama central. It wasnt a bad place to work though i got on decent with most and got so fast at checking i made the computer freeze- which isnt hard. i learned to stock and check dates. oh yeah so back to what ur article is about. im not trans and i reallllly hope i dont ever act like “jen”!
Truer words ain’t been said!
“She looks at me as if I’m either a curious artifact in a museum or the dirtiest porn she’s ever seen.”
Hah, I definitely know that look!
“Have you ever seen a baby sloth in a restaurant before?” is my favoritest sentence of them all!
“…my best ‘special little snowflake trans lady’ face” +1
I can’t wait to read more, Madison, and I’m so glad I put off school work for another 20 minutes to read your story. I pretty much need more soon, please, thank you!
The unwanted/rejected hug attempt was probably my favorite moment of the story. I’m so glad you rejected her hug.
Also, I have always really wondered what kind of weird social place people go to to learn that it’s okay to make sure someone you don’t know at all knows that you know personal things about them just by looking at them (sometimes telling the whole world in the process), so long as it comes with a little wink or unwanted hug. Like it never occurred to them that the best way to show their “support” is to keep their mouth shut and just be nice?
yesterday, i was so brave that i paid my gas bill. IN PERSON. i still haven’t been congratulated in hushed tones for that one.
So very true. This pisses me off so much, because it happens so frequently.
I love this piece! I had similar BS go down when I used to be a barista in cafes. Customers in general are ridiculous douches, but mix that with “good intentions” and the ability to clock trans people? It never ends well. Mostly it ends with me demonstrating award-worthy restraint in the face of my overwhelming urge to punch them in the face.
Keep on being “brave!”
~M
Ah the service industry, home of the constructive dismissal… that said, besides the fact that I was basically in carnival-barker drab most of the time, I did sorta enjoy it.
Thanks for this article, and for the comments, everyone. I guess this goes down under “trans male privilege” but I’m amazed at the number of people who “can relate” –glad you posted this!
A friend of mine once said there are two types of restaurant patrons. The kind that like to go out to eat, and the kind that just like to be served.
You should have added how this has become like, the best inside joke of all time for our group of friends and beyond. And about how we constantly use this story to applaud our own mundane lives. And also about how I’m the bravest.
Also like I’m proud of you and love you or whatever. Whatever. Less about you, Lynn. More about cis me.
Oh my heavens I am super duper sorry! I totally forgot to center cis people’s concerns here. I am just so selfish sometimes.
Thanks for calling me out, Gus. That took a lot of bravery.
It’s a hard job, but I am The Best Ally, as you know.
“special little snowflake trans lady”… that is the best phrase I have ever heard